"Semper Vigilantum" Zip-Up Hoodie
"Hey there pal, let’s make a deal! You go ahead and buy this t-shirt, made of 100% preshrunk cotton and emblazoned with my glorious face, and I’ll help you out of that little jam you’re in.
What? Pine Tree said don’t trust me? Come on, are you really gonna listen to some kid? Kids don’t know anything!
Look, think it over. I’ll come back later. Just remember your ol’ pal Bill Cipher is here to help you out!"
[T-Shirt version available here!]